MICHAEL PHELPS AND LITTLE WAYNE ON SNL

First of all, I was praying that Tina Fey would make an appearance on SNL as Sara Palin. As expected, she did not let me down…Michael Phelps-first impression- looks fantastic in a suit. His short opening monologe was a bit flat, he seemed a bit nervous- Odd, considering he just rocked the Worlds Stage in Beijing…loved the Willliam Shatner cameo plug for Priceline…and some of you may be wondering why SNL paired Americas Golden Boy with Lil Wayne? Seems that during the Olympics, Michael Phelps said that Lil Wayne was his favorite rapper.

I was actually a bit surprised by Lil Wayne…my previous experiences with his entourage had me questioning Wayne as the musical choice, but his performance on SNL was really good-sans the guitar he tried to real-fake-strum, and his super-cool jeans ruined by the fact that his ass was hanging out…Aside from Tina Feys award winning performance as Tits Mcgee, I’d say the best part of Phelps’ appearance on the show were the screen-caps used after commercial breaks. Its not that Phelps did a ‘bad job’, its just that I felt he did a great job when playing himself as opposed to a lame character in a blond wig…but hey, that’s just my opinion.

That’s all I got for ya right now kids…but sit tight, mama’s about to unlock her secret vault of ‘oh-no-they-didn’t-stories’ in the next few days…look out Perez Hilton, Delinda’s bout to rock the world.

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Delinda Lombardo
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WE SHOULD ALL BE WATCHING NOW
Just because Michael Phelps has hung up his Speedo and Usain Bolt is eyeing the NFL, doesn’t mean we should be ignoring the other Olympics. The 2008 Paralympic Games should put us all to shame. I’ll never complain about a bad hair day or my jeans fitting too tight after seeing some of these astonishing athletes in action. Again, it saddens me that the entire world tuned in to watch athletes with all their limbs when it seems to me that harder challenge is winning a gold medal without an arm, or knocking out a new world record in track even though you have no legs.

If I were the editor of Time magazine, my cover would include some of the following athletes…selected for their spirit, determination, inspiration, courage, and overall sensational ability to compete, win and remind us all that anything is indeed possible.

Oscar Pistorius (C) of South Africa, Jerome Singleton (L) of the United States, and Christoph Bausch (R) of Switzerland pose on the podium after the Men’s 100m T44 Final Athletics event at the National Stadium during day three. Pistorious, as you may recall, is a double-amputee, nicknamed ‘Blade Runner’, who recently won a legal battle for the right to run in the Beijing Olympics against able-bodied athletes…he did not compete because he failed to meet the qualifying time in the 400…but he did win the gold today in the 100-meter with a time of 11.17. “I had a tough start and a slow first 30 meters,” Pistorius said. “I really just pulled out all the stops.” American Jerome Singleton trailed in 11.20, and Brian Frasure of the United States earned bronze in 11.50.

How about this guy: Lucas Prado? The Brazilian sprinter won the men’s 100m T11 final by breaking his world record and earning a gold medal in 11.03 seconds. Amazing considering that he is completely blind.

Another babe from Brazil is Daniel Dias. Dias won gold in the Men’s 100m Freestyle S5….and the men’s 200m freestyle final with a new paralympic world record of 2:32. “It was sensational. It took me a while to realize I had won, as I wasn’t a favorite in this event,” said Dias. “Two races, two golds. But this one has a better taste because it was decided on the touch, so it was more exciting.” Decided by a touch? Kinda like one of Phelps’ win…but without NBC sharing it with us.

Andriy Kalyna of the Ukraine also earned a gold medal in the Men’s 100m Breaststroke SB8… he shattered the world record in the men’s 100 breast with a time of 1:07.01.

Much, much more info available on all these amazing athletes at xinhuanet.com

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Delinda Lombardo
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USAIN BOLT YAMS IT UP

After winning three gold medals in Beijing, Usain Bolt made a personal donation of $50,000 to the kids in the earthquake-stricken Sichuan Province. Bolt said he had seen reports of the 8.0 magnitude earthquake that struck the area on May 12, killing close to 70,000. “It makes me feel sorry for the victims, so I ask my management team to do something,” said Bolt after delivering the check to Liu Xuanguo, secretary-general of the Red Cross Foundation of China. “They are kids. They deserve a better future,” Bolt said, “I hope they can still enjoy themselves, because they are still kids. And, it’s great for kids to live in joys. I just want to help them. I’m looking forward (to) more people coming out and helping them,” Bolt said, as he stood next to several kids confined to wheelchairs due to ‘quake-inflicted injuries.’

Usain had me when he won the first gold, and sealed the deal when he said “its great for kids to live in joys.” We should all live in joys, no? And we should all take a hint from the Jamaican sprinters. The Caribbean country’s five gold medals at the Games all came from sprinters. Usain Bolt: double gold medals with two world records in the men’s 100m and 200m sprints…Veronica Campbell-Brown won the women’s 200m…Shelly-Ann Fraser and other two Jamaican women swept medals in over 100m…Melaine Walker kicked in another by breaking the Olympic record in the women’s 400-meter hurdles….

“We have a tradition, we have natural talents, We are the sprinter factory of the world,” said Olivia Grange, Jamaica’s minister of information, culture, sports and youth. “You know why? We eat healthy and good food, lots of yams. Lots of greens, lots of fishes, good Jamaican food and clean fresh air.”

Yams? Lots of yams? According to researchers at USPlabs in Denton Texas, the secret to a great sprinting juice is in the yams…an exotic yam called the Trelawny yam to be precise.

It wasn’t long ago that Usain’s father, Wellesly Bolt, claimed that the yam was partially responsible for Usain’s electrifying speed, and now researchers are backing him up…They say there is ‘enormous scientific credence’ to Wellesly Bolt’s claim about the Trelawny yam. “Scientists have known for years yams contain high amounts of steroidal glycosides, which are naturally occurring steroid alkaloids,” said Jacob Geissler of USPlabs.

In the early 1930’s, yams were used to first synthesize testosterone because the chemical structure of the yam is identical to human testosterone. This particular Jamaican yam could possibly contain the most potent steroidal glycosides on earth. (It’s no wonder they have a Trelawny yam festival in Jamaica.) Jacob Geissler of USPlabs: “The problem for scientists is that we could never liberate all those powerful steroid alkaloids and make them usable, until now…we just got finished with a clinical trial study on naturally occurring steroidal glycosides and the results were staggering. In just 30 days test subjects gained close to 7 pounds of lean mass and increased their strength by up to 30%. And these stunning results were achieved by very experienced lifters with past steroid use…what we were able to do is cleave the sugar molecule off the steroidal glycoside and liberate its enormous nitrogen-retaining effect, and as everybody knows, steroids dramatically increase nitrogen in the muscle cell making it bigger, stronger and faster.”

Yams, the new steroid? Are USPlabs the next BALCO? According to ‘expert trainer and conditioning coach’ to over 400 professional athletes, Jon Doyle: “I’m using it on some of my pro ball players and they’re getting huge steroid-like results with no steroid side effects. Some of them are getting so big and strong their agents have phoned me swearing up and down I’m giving them real juice. I had one young player who gained 13 pounds of muscle in 30 days and lowered his 60 yard dash time by .3 seconds!” (Prweb)

Yam it up kids…I’m taking a few days off…

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Delinda Lombardo
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CHANGING OF THE GUARD: BECKHAM STYLE
Beijing has officially “handed-off” the games to a new host city, London, as David Beckham adorned the top of a red double-decker bus before tossing out the ‘welcome ball’ during the closing ceremony of the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing.

New host city London staged an eight-minute performance which included a kick from Sir Golden Balls as well as a performance and duet by Leona Lewis and guitarist Jimmy Page who impressed the crowd with a fresh version of the Led Zeppelin classic, “Whole Lotta Love.” The Beckham-topped bus had actually been transformed into a stage with the roof opening out into ‘petal-shaped sections.’ The interior reflects the greenness of the UK with “lush grass and a hedge” cut into the shape of the London skyline. Cycling behind the bus were three great ‘Team GB cyclists: Chris Hoy, Victoria Pendleton and Shanaze Reade, who had “unprecedented success” and an “outstanding medal haul” at the games…but apparently not good enough to actually get on the bus.

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Delinda Lombardo
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MEN TAKE THE GOLD IN BEIJING

Prior to the game, Dwayne Wade said: “It could be emotional. We’ve thought about. But at the same time we have to win this game… But I think everybody has thought about that moment where you lean down and put the gold medal around your neck and you hear your country’s song being played. That’s when your emotions really come out because you really reflect on the journey…”

“We talked about on the bus ride over (for Saturday’s practice at Beijing Normal University). We are not going to shy away from our sensitivity” said Wade,” We know Melo is going to cry. We’re not shying away from it. We know it’s going to be a great moment, but we know we still have a job to do to get that moment.”

And now the three-year effort to redeem themselves has culminated in a 118-107 victory for the Men’s USA Basketball team as they delivered a lil dose of karma to Spain to bring home the Gold…with, of course, David Beckham and his golden balls watching from the sidelines.

Prince(ess) Kobe Bryant finally got a gold around his neck, and he did it a day after turning 30-not a bad gift for the patient and wicked black mamba. After nibbling on his first taste of gold: “It is more important and more special than any championship that any of us will ever win,” Bryant said.

“I know that we had a tough road ahead of us. We knew that these guys (Spain) weren’t going to roll over and give up that easily,” U.S. forward Chris Bosh said. “So we had to be men, and that’s what it takes to win.” Damn straight! Men they are…teamwork, commitment, heart, soul, sweat and determination are what these men are made of. And for me, Bosh was impressive as hell. Talk about a friggen warrior. Bosh tears that court up with more soul than I’ve seen most ballers do in a lifetime. I could watch him play and never get bored of that hunger on his face.

Speaking of hunger…Carmelo Anthony. Oh my Melo, Melo, Melo. Damn. I mean, what can I say? His scored 13 luscious points? He proudly marched around with an American Flag wrapped around his waist as I tried to stay focused on his neck where that beautiful gold was hanging…that he lit Kobe’s cigar…that he drove me crazy…that I need to bite his medal, hard? I suspect if any ‘game worn’ Melo items turn up on the ‘Right to Play’ eBay auctions, my savings account will be drained.

Mad love to Jason Kidd for becoming the 13th U.S. player to win multiple gold medals-his first was in 2000. Mad love to the mighty-mighty-fine men of USA Basketball: Jason Kidd, Carlos Boozer, Tayshaun Prince, Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Dwyane Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Dwight Howard, Chris Paul, Michael Redd, and Deron Williams.

Go on with your bad selves and bite your medals, smoke those cigars, cuddle on the bus and party till next season. You did us all proud. Undefeated, uncompromised, united and unbelievable.

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Delinda Lombardo
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Olympic Treats Up for Bids for Charity
I haven’t seen Michael Phelps’ LZR listed yet…but ya never know what’s going to pop up on eBay. The good folks from Auction Cause have gotten their paws on some pretty amazing items from the 2008 Beijing Olympics. And now, in their efforts to raise money for ‘Right to Play’ you can own a small piece of Olympic history that’s not going to cost you a small fortune. Trust me kids, this is one of the best-kept secrets around. There are at least 85 items listed from the 2008 Olympics, and most of the stuff has either been autographed or worn by the athletes themselves. Proceeds go to charity-so bid away…

Ever want the shirt off of Roger Federer’s back? Well, I don’t have that but you can bid on the ‘Roger Federer Signed Nike Personal Cap + 2 Tennis Balls’ which is only at $76.00 right now.

They got several uniforms that were worn during competition from Team Canada’s Rowing babes…including Adam Creeks and Ben Rutledges rowing jersey…

I know some of you guys might wanna get your hands on the signed 2008 Norway Beach Volleyball Sports Tops worn by the girls?

LOST YOUR PANTIES?

Next month, all you Evangeline Lilly lovers take note. The LOST star will be auctioning off approximately 2,000 new pieces of her lingerie intimates collection. All items are made in Brazil and will benefit the Brazilian Favelas. Each set will come with a signed photo from her as well. I’ll let ya know when the panties drop and the bidding opens.

CHECK OUT ALL THE ITEMS HERE!

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Delinda Lombardo
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NOW CAN THE GUYS DO IT?

Lisa Leslie and the women’s USA basketball team have done us proud. The wonder women were once again too good for the lasses from Australia and took home the gold medal for hoops after a 92-65 victory. Leslie, who dropped in 14 points, now has an astonishing four straight gold medals. She, along with former teammate Teresa Edwards are now the only basketball players EVER to win four gold medals. “It’s a blessing for me to be out on this floor, now participating in my fourth Olympics and walking away with a fourth gold medal,” Leslie said.

‘Trailing 13-10 late in the first quarter, U.S. coach Anne Donovan inserted her second unit, led by Lawson. Once again, the bench delivered just as it had throughout the Olympics with Lawson scoring the first six points of a 12-2 run to close the quarter as the U.S. took a 22-15 lead. Then Parker, who has had a relatively quiet Olympics averaging only 8.7 points, took over. She scored eight of the Americans’ 10 points to open the second quarter, including two three-point plays. On her second, the 6-foot-4 forward took the ball from the top of the key, dribbled through her legs and drove to the basket for a layup—a play that thrilled the U.S. men’s basketball players in the stands and brought a standing ovation from LeBron James.’ (Sports.Yahoo)

This makes me wonder if they ever have any mixed-games. I’d like to see Leslie and the girls take on the ‘Redeem Team.’ (My money would be on the girls) And I also wonder why women’s basketball isnt being watched by more people?

They are THE dream team that everybody seems to be napping through. Wake up people- we don’t need no redemption. The ladies just did it for the fourth time!

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Delinda Lombardo
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What Happens in Beijing, Stays in Beijing?

He used to play table tennis…now, he writes. Matthew Syed has penned what I think, is one of the most entertaining pieces to come from the Olympics. We’ve seen some crazy things happening in Beijing. Scary, possible under-aged Chinese soldiers manufactured specifically for the Games, thousands of displaced and oppressed workers, Free Tibet protesters, Free Darfur activists, lip-singing at the opening ceremonies, real-fake fireworks, dropped relay wands, broken hopes, amazing victories and yes, dear god, some mighty-mighty fine Olympic bodies.

I know what I imagined was going on with our world-class athletes who’ve waited four-years to strut their testosterone fueled, chiseled, toned and flawless physiques in front of the world alongside others who have gathered for the ultimate pent-up-release-of-see-what-I-got glory imaginable. Sex. And lots of it.

Thankfully, Matthew Syed has been front and center in the Olympic Village (and this isn’t his first time)…his piece in the Times explains why “An Olympic gold medal is not merely a route to fame and fortune; it is also a surefire ticket to writhe.” As in writhe under the sheets together. Oddly enough, Syed also says that “Success does not work both ways. Gold-medal winning female athletes are not looked upon by male athletes with any more desire than those who flunked out in the first round. It is sometimes even considered a defect.”

I especially loved the image Syed congers here: “It is a common sight to see recently knocked-out athletes gorging on Magnums and McDonald’s, swilling alcohol and, of course, shagging like crazy. Sometimes all three at the same time.” Magnums, McDonald’s and booze? What degree of difficulty is that feet and who earned the gold for it? Granted, its not as if Magnums and McDonald’s escaped our minds as we watched the men’s track and field events or swimming, but never at the same time. I mean, give me some Sweet Melon and Mag’s, mixed with a bit of booze and I’m all set, but lets leave the McNuggets alone unless they’re from Denver. (Check out the photo top right-after you take your eyes off the obvoius, notice the background legs-even those two didn’t waste a moment.)

More from Syed and his article: ‘This sex fest was not limited to Barcelona: the same thing happened in Sydney in 2000, my second Olympics as an athlete, and is happening right here in Beijing, where this time I’m a commentator. I spoke to an Aussie table tennis player this week to check out the village vibe and he launched into the breathless patter common to any Olympic debutant: “It is unbelievable in there; everyone is totally crazy once they are out of their competitions. God knows what it is going to be like this weekend. It is like a world within a world.” A British runner (anonymous again: athletes are not supposed to talk to journalists unaccompanied by a PR type, least of all about sex) said: “The swimmers finished earlier in the week and it was like there was an eruption.” ‘

Say what? Syed also explains how are athletes are obtaining their condoms:

There is a famous story from Seoul in 1988 that there were so many used condoms on the roof terrace of the British team’s residential block the night after the swimming concluded that the British Olympic Association sent out an edict banning outdoor sex. Here in Beijing, organizers have realized that such prohibitions are about as useful as banning breathing and have, instead, handed out thousands of free condoms to the athletes. If you can’t stop ‘em, at least make it safe.

Read Syeds piece here and enjoy the closing ceremonies this weekend. I suspect if you do, you’ll be watching through a new set of rose-colored steamy glasses.

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Delinda Lombardo
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