KING OF CLAY

Rafael Nadal reminded me of why I love mud baths. Our tapa grunted, slammed, and slid his way on clay to win his third consecutive Open Seat Godo, his 12th straight clay court title and his umpteenth clinching of my hormones.

Rafa was victorious over Guillermo Canas, who deserves wicked love for a stellar performance, and a humble speech. It’s refreshing to have someone other than R-Fed on the other side of the net, and I firmly belive that if Rafa wasn’t around, Canas would soon be in the number one spot. Thanks to both of these fine beasts for giving me a reason to wake up at 7:00 A.M. on a Sunday.

JOSH HANCOCK: R.I.P.

The St. Louis Cardinals postponed Sunday’s night game against the Chicago Cubs due to a death in the family. Josh Howard, a key member of the bullpen that helped the Cards win the World Series last season, was killed in a car crash early Sunday. “All of baseball today mourns the tragic and untimely death of St. Louis pitcher Josh Hancock,” baseball commissioner Bud Selig said. “He was a fine young pitcher who played an important role on last year’s World Series championship team.” Meanwhile, the Cardinals will wear a patch with Hancock’s No. 32 on the left sleeve of their uniform for the rest of this season. The club has lowered flags at Busch Stadium to half-staff and “made space for an impromptu shrine established near the park’s third-base gate.” A funeral service will be held in Tupelo, Mississippi, on Thursday and Cardinals Chair Bill DeWitt Jr. has arranged for a charter to take the team to Mississippi after its series in Milwaukee. Rest in peace my friend, rest in peace.

EDS BYRON TEARS

I’m not sure which caused me to burst into tears…the lack of Ian Poulter coverage (which amounts to anything short of second-by-second coverage), Phil Mickelson attempting to dress like a young beast, the Byron Nelson tribute from his wife, or local boy Scott Verplank winning the event. An event named after his boyhood hero. When his final putt went into the cup, Verplank dropped into a squatting position and put his head into his hands. Then he looked skyward with a huge smile. “I just kept saying, `Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it!’ I couldn’t believe that it happened. It was a dream,” Verplank said. “Then I looked up and said, `Thank you.’ Incredible.”

Verplank finished with a –13, while Ian Poulter placed third at –10. Poulter was initially looking strong, but towards the end of the final, my flashkat had me screaming “in the hole” so much, that I knew a win wasn’t gonna happen. What a shame, I had my motorcycle outfit picked out, ready for Poulter & I to ride off into the sunset together…But as you know, it was Verplank who took home the coveted PGA Byron Nelson custom chopper from Orange County Choppers.

IT FILLS YOU UP RIGHT

“Campbell’s Chunky” soup’s has been sponsoring the NFL for ten consecutive seasons, so is it any wonder that their latest soup campaign, which wont break until September, will use hotties who possess a genuine love of the game and an appreciation of their mommas. The ads will also feature the trademark “Campbell’s Chunky” soup message, “It fills you up right.” To get your libido filled up right, click here for behind the scenes photos and videos of all 8 Chunky Soup Mama’s Boys gearing up for the photo shoot.

HELP WITH AUTOGRAPHS

This gave me a chuckle…former University of Kentucky QB, Babe Parilli, and HOF Coach Bear Bryant, helped invent a new patented product called the Autograph Kit. The “invention” contains Fuji 400 film with flash, a Sharpie Pen and ten autograph “slips.” The idea is to have a “celebrity” sign the electrostatic “slip” with a Sharpie Pen, get the picture, and then when you get the picture developed you adhere the static cling “Slip” to the picture. According to the website- and very informative video clip- the Electrostatic Autograph Slip is made of a clear “static cling” patented material that will not injure your photo. The Sharpie Pen is the only pen recommended for use with this product…but if you don’t wanna shell out the asking price of $19.95 and really need a Sharpie, how about an Athlebrity one? Just shoot me an email, with ‘free Sharpie’ in the subject line, include your mailing address and I’ll send you a Sharpie, free. And don’t worry, I do not collect, sell or buy addresses, I just like to give love back to my readers.

DAVID BECKHAM’S GHOST

International headlines have covered one of the most shocking moments in sports history. David Beckham changed his hair color. For a guy who can never look bad, the new coif has the beast looking like a ghost. I suggest he either gets a tan, goes back to brown, or shave it all off.

WOOLMER COMES HOME

A wooden box containing the body of Pakistan cricket team coach Bob Woolmer was offloaded yesterday from a South African airplane at the Cape Town International airport. The body of Woolmer, the murdered coach of Pakistan’s cricket team, arrived in South Africa six weeks after his body was discovered in a Jamaican hotel room. And I think we can now close the chapter of this saga, that is, until they find his murderer.

THANK YOU BARON

Marc Cuban may not be happy, but I certainly am. Baron Davis was on fire last night as the Golden State Warriors spanked the Mavericks in overtime to lead the series 3-1. As much as I would love to report each and every beautiful nuace of the games, I couldn’t possibly do it. But I am proud to report that the Bulls swept the White-Hot-Heat and its roster of crybaby’s outta the series, and the Suns lead the series against Princess Kobe 3-1. Tonight, Melo and the Answer face the San Longoria Spurs, who lead the series 2-1. Ouch.

FAKE INTERVIEW GONE WRONG

One thing the Spurs are doing right, is severing ties with talk show hosts Jeff Vexler and Walter Pasacrita of Clear Channel’s KTKR-AM in San Antonio “after the airing of a controversial skit Wednesday that included a fake interview” with Nuggets G Allen Iverson. (Richard Oliver, San Antonio Express-News.) Also, Spurs coach Gregg Popovich will no longer make his weekly appearance on KTKR, “at least through the postseason.” In the segment, an Iverson impersonator responded to questions with scripted responses, which were perceived “to be incendiary at best and racist at worst.” The skit included references to Iverson and teammate Carmelo Anthony “providing the Spurs something from their own ‘special stash’ before Game 1.” Also, the bit had the Iverson impersonator “talking about firing a gun into the air … with the bullet falling to hit a homeless person.” The segment also included a mention of Iverson and other players cruising the River Walk looking for sex with “Mexican” women…

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.

MICHAEL VICK VERSUS HUMANE SOCIETY

“The Humane Society of the United States has heard troubling reports for some time that Michael Vick has been involved in organized dog fighting, and we fear that this investigation may validate that very disturbing allegation,” said Wayne Pacelle, president and CEO of The Humane Society of the United States. “We urge law enforcement to aggressively investigate this matter.”

In case you haven’t heard, asshole Michael Vick is now on top of the shit-list, at least mine anyway, and the Humane Society and anyone else with an ounce of compassion. Authorities discovered more than 60 pit bulls and materials associated with dog fighting in a house Vick owns. One of Vicks upstanding relatives, Davon Boddie, lives in the house. Boddie was arrested outside a nightclub by Hampton police April 20 on charges of distribution of marijuana and possession with intent to distribute, and when the po-po executed the search warrant Wednesday night, they discovered the malnourished, scarred and injured dogs. A fitting punishment for Michael Vick? How about we throw his arrogant overrated ass into a cage, tie him down, cover him in raw meat, hang the cage above Atlanta, and lock two of his hungry pit bulls in there with him? Now that’s one dogfight I would applaud.

LISA GAUT: GUILTY, KINDA
Lisa Maree Gaut, 26, was convicted Thursday morning of assault with a deadly weapon and misdemeanor drunken driving in the confrontation in which ex-Charger Steve Foley was shot by an off-duty, idiotic, Coronado police officer, Aaron Mansker. But, the jury acquitted Gaut of assault with a deadly weapon on a peace officer, indicating they didn’t think the officer, who was wearing a T-shirt and jeans, adequately identified himself…this is good news for us Foley fans, who firmly believe that officer Aaron Mansker was acting like an idiot when he followed an unarmed Foley to his home before shooting him in the leg. Because the jury acquitted Gaut of the charges associated with a “peace officer” it may help Foleys civil suit against the reject officer.

ANDY RODDICK: ARTHUR ASHE HUMANITARIAN AWARD

Last night, Andy Roddick was given the Arthur Ashe Humanitarian Award at the 13th Annual Sports Ball. “Little did Arthur know when he died that he was helping this child (me) today for tomorrow,” Andy said. Andy sat front and center with Dave Matthews Band’s violinist Boyd Tinsley on his left and ARFoundation’s Hillary Wallace on his right. Andy’s mom, brother Lawrence and his wife, Joyce Blowshinsky from the Foundation, and other posse members celebrated in style…congratulations to Andy for earning such a prestigious award.

JASON TAYLOR: A REALLY GOOD GUY

Sexy Dolphin Jason Taylor has agreed to a partnership with Florida-based Juiceblendz as the President of Franchise Development, as well as spokesperson for the company. (Hopefully not behind the counter making smoothies ala Randy Moss style.) The deal inks Taylor for commercials and personal appearances for the business. Taylor also has deals with Brand Jordan, Cadillac, Enlyten SportsStrips and McArthur Dairy Milk. (The Daily). But he’s not just about endorsements. Taylor is looking at opportunities in hopes of building his holding company, Ninety 9 Group, “into a diverse portfolio of consumer business investments.” He has invested in Florida-based Bioheart, which is developing an “alternative to surgery to replace scar tissue in heart patients,” and he also oversees a charter company for his yacht. He spent three days last year in the NFL’s Business Management & Entrepreneurial Program at Northwestern Univ.’s Kellogg School of Management “learning to evaluate franchise opportunities.” Taylor’s eponymous foundation has raised around $2M for children’s charities since ’04. He is also co-producing a reality show for Fox about “athletes confronting their fears.” (Like showing up on my blog?)(S. Florida Sun-Sentinel, 4/26).

TIME.COM SURVEY

Time.com is asking readers to submit their selections for the magazine’s most influential people of the year. (Although I searched the site, I couldn’t find the link, sorry). Allegedly, there are 203 candidates and Time asks readers to rate their influence on a scale of 1-100. Penguins sensation, Sidney Crosby leads all sports figures on the list and ranks fourth overall, beating out other sports hotties (in order of their current rankings): Swiss-Miss: Roger Federer, Arsenal beast Thierry Henry (C), Tiger Woods, David Beckham, Dikembe Mutombo (far right), and Barry Bonds.

JOE MAUER: THE NEXT BACHELOR?

Lets get the rumor mill churning…According to the St. Paul Pioneer Press, hot Twins C Joe Mauer will be named one of America’s 15 most eligible bachelors on a “national Hollywood cable TV show” next month. Filming for the program was done this week at the Metrodome…and that’s all the info available, so we can certainly speculate that he might be the next Bachelor?

OKAY, IT WAS BLOOD
To me, this entire bloody sock situation is hilarious. Admittedly, I like to add fuel to the fire sometimes, but there was never a doubt in my mind that Curt Schilling was in fact bleeding. In response to the newly resurfaced rumors, Schilling posted a retort on his blog today. Schilling: “For one of the first times this blog serves one of the purposes I’d hoped it would if the need arose. The media hacked and spewed their way to a day or two of stories that had zero basis in truth. A story fabricated by the media, for the media. The best part was that instead of having to sit through a litany of interviews to ‘defend’ myself, or my teammates, I got to do that here. … I’ll wager 1 million dollars to the charity of anyones [sic] choice, versus the same amount to ALS. If the blood on the sock is fake, I’ll donate a million dollars to that persons [sic] charity, if not they donate that amount to ALS” (38PITCHES.com, 4/27).

BRADY QUINN

It’s that wonderful time of year when our fresh-meat NFL babes line up atop Radio City Music Hall in anticipation of the upcoming draft. A fierce draft battle has ensued between my ovaries…Brady Quinn, JaMarcus Russell, Adrian Peterson, Calvin Johnson and Gaines Adams, dear god, I don’t know who’s hotter. But it’s Brady Quinn who is the odds-on favorite to come away with the most money in endorsements. The young hottie currently has deals with Nike, Sprint, Xbox, Subway, EAS and Hummer. Quinn said, “It’s stuff that I believe in, stuff that I use.”

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.

WE NEED NETS
Unbeknownst to me, yesterday marked the first Malaria Awareness Day. Who knew? I guess I had my Kyle Korver blinders on…in any event; American Idol, ExxonMobil, Magnum Photographs, the American Red Cross, UNICEF, the Boys and Girls Club of America, and the President’s Malaria Initiative (lol) have all joined the cause. Simian President Bush and his Lady have also called on all Americans to donate $10 towards the purchase of a mosquito net for a family in sub-Saharan Africa. (Because god knows that’s the closest he’s gonna get to actually helping the cause). I’ve gotta make one rip on ExxonMobil as well. If they donated 1% of their profits towards this cause, we wouldn’t need an initiative. But I’m not here to get political, just to urge you all to buy a net and save a child. If my urging doesn’t work, perhaps David Beckham can entice you?

Beckham is featured in a Public Service Announcement urging fans to donate $10, the cost of one mosquito net, towards the fight against malaria. Malaria kills over 3,000 children every day in Africa, yet the disease can be easily prevented with a $10 mosquito net. In the announcement, David Beckham kicks a soccer ball into a goal with a missing net. The PSA closes “We need nets” and points viewers towards MalariaNoMore.org. It’s a great spot, check it out.

HELLO

I don’t know what part of heaven this beast fell from, but I like it. The former Washington quarterback Isaiah Stanback was supposed to be unable to run for up to 12 months following a nasty injury in his foot last October, but yesterday, he was zipping through 100-yard sprints and my blog, while sporting a sexy new tattoo across his chest.

RAFAEL NADAL REACHES 69

Oh yes, our little tapa finally reached the magic number. Rafael Nadal has extended his winning streak on clay to 69 matches, advancing himself to the quarterfinals of the Barca Open.

EDS BYRON CHOPPER

Those boys from “American Chopper,” Paul Sr., Paul Jr. Mikey, have unveiled the three (identical) choppers for EDS. EDS will award one of the motorcycles to the winner of the 2007 EDS Byron Nelson Championship, the first time in PGA Tour history that a custom “chopper” has been awarded to a tournament winner. (Little do they know that I come along with the bike.) EDS will donate one of the custom choppers to an online auction to benefit Salesmanship Club Youth and Family Centers, the children’s charity associated with the tournament. The third chopper will be retained by EDS and used to raise awareness of the EDS Byron Nelson Championship and the charity it supports. The auctions went live yesterday and runs until Wednesday, May 2. For more information, or to place a bid on these cool rides, visit http://www.eds.com/auction .

NASCAR SHOES

Beverly Hills-based Genius Fashion, have created a line of NASCAR themed women’s shoes which will debut next month at Belk’s and online at Zappos and NASCAR.com. The company said its shoes, which range from $69-250, offer “distinctive hints of the racing culture, such as tire treads on the soles of the shoe, and small checkered flags on some designs.” Cool idea, but I’ll stick with my Prada’s.

WAS IT BLOOD ON THE SOCK?

Would you put it past any sports team to work the PR angle? Rumors are flying that Red Sox Curt Shilling actually painted his sock red for Game Six of the ’04 ALCS series. A Red Sox official said that the team “may seek a retraction” after MASN’s Gary Thorne said on the air during last night’s Red Sox-Orioles game that he had been told by Red Sox C Doug Mirabelli “that was not blood, but paint,” on Schilling’s sock. (Boston Globe) Thorne: “It was painted. Doug Mirabelli confessed up to it after. It was all for PR.” During a break later in the game, Thorne “confirmed that’s what he said, and that Mirabelli had told him so in a conversation ‘a couple of years ago.” But Mirabelli said after the game, “I never said that. I know it was blood. Everybody knows it was blood.” Edes notes the suggestion “has been made in the past. … But it has never been stated so matter-of-factly, and with a Sox player’s name attached.” And if Mr. Shilling did in fact paint his sock for PR, it was a genius move, but maybe he deserves an asterisk by his name for that game?

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.

LADAINIAN TOMLINSON’S MARKETING AGENT
“In early December 2005, I learned that Henkel had pressured the sports memorabilia company into agreeing to pay him an improper, secret $75,000 kickback, $18,700 of which had already been paid to Henkel, for securing my services to the memorabilia company.” LaDainian Tomlinson…Oops! Looks like LT picked the wrong guy to rep him. LaDainian Tomlinson’s former marketing agent has been charged with commercial bribery and theft as a result of a deal he brokered while working for Tomlinson. (SBJ). A complaint against Henkel (Johnson County district attorney’s office) alleges that Henkel, “willfully obtain(ed) unauthorized control over property …with the intention to permanently deprive the owner, to wit: LaDainian Tomlinson and/or IMG Worldwide Inc.” IMG, which continued to represent Tomlinson until his agent, Tom Condon, left the company last year, sued Henkel in 2006 after Henkel left the company.

THIS ONES FOR ANG

I say goddamn how I love me some Chelsea boys. Joe Cole scored in the 29th minute to give Chelsea a 1-0 win over those crusty Liverpudlians on Wednesday in the first leg of the Champions League semifinals. Cole knocked in a cross from my Drogba that overheated my libido, and effectively displayed just how friggen hot Cole really is. Take a good look at his photos and I dare you to find anything wrong with his body. And many, many props to the Chelsea fan (far right) for such a passionate gesture to the opposing team. The second leg beating of my libido will be Tuesday….and (ouch) Man United beat AC Milan 3-2 in Tuesday’s other Champions League semifinal. If you missed this game, you missed out on the fun “KaKa, KaKa” chanting which followed the six time Euro Cup Champ babes two goals for AC Milan. Man-U is set to face Chelsea in the English FA Cup final May 19…If you’re looking for an “I don’t get the frenzy surrounding soccer” read, you must check out a series of essays written in the June 2006 issue of National Geographic. One particular essay “The Way to Win: Juju on the Field” explores the various ways African teams employ juju men for good luck ceremonies and the history of Drogba.

CARAMELIZED DUNCAN

Oh how my libido was ping-ponged between Melo and Iverson during their 95-89 spanking over the San Longoria Spurs. The first game of the Western Conference playoffs goes to the Nuggets. “Two years ago we probably were just happy to be in the playoffs,” Melo purred. “Now we ain’t just happy to be in the playoffs. We know we’re a good team and when we play good we can play with the best of them.” Game 2 is tonight in San Antonio, and I will be spellbound, as usual, while Melo and Iverson do their thang.

SEBASTIAN TELFAIR NO MO GREEN
“Believe me, he’s not going to wear green again,” said a (Celtic) team source who requested anonymity. When the Celtics dump Telfair, I will readily accept any past grievances I have with the team. Celtics CEO & Managing Partner Wyc Grousbeck said an e-mail to reporters that the team has “taken the first steps toward severing ties” with recently arrested Mensa reject Sebastian Telfair. (Boston Globe). Grousbeck wrote, “The facts and circumstances of his case have not been determined but he does NOT have a Celtics locker and we do not anticipate that he will.”

GIMME A SHOT

In Washington, D.C., members of the Sixers (and the Chimps wife, Laura Bush) attended a Malaria Awareness Day at the Friendship Public Charter School today. Mouthwatering Kyle Korver was on hand to sign autographs and educate kids. Have you noticed that anytime there is a “team” function, Korver is always front-and-center? You know he’s getting a mighty, mighty, good beast nod from me…by the way Kyle, are you available for private malaria education lessons?

ATHLETES FOR HOPE

Once we get rid of the Sebastian Telfairs and Pacman Jones’ of the world, we’ve got some stellar hotties out there. A group of 12 athletes have formed a new charity ‘Athletes for Hope’ in efforts to make the world a better place. Individually, the golden dozen have raised more than $500 million to aid at-risk kids, build schools, help the sick and make us smile. Andre Agassi, Lance Armstrong, Tony Hawk, Jeff Gordon and Muhammad Ali are just a few to jump aboard this worthy cause. Agassi, Armstrong, and five other founding members of Athletes for Hope , appeared on ABC’s “Good Morning America” to promote the cause. Check out their site and “Pass the Passion” by purchasing one of their cool AFH dog tags.

JOHN DALY: GET N LOADED

CBS Sports refused to air a new Maxfli ad featuring golfer John Daly “because it violates network guidelines prohibiting ads ‘with direct, or implied, excessive consumption of alcohol,’ especially when an ad also ‘involves hazardous activity,” according to Michael Hiestand of USA Today…. John Daly promoting drinking, smoking, bar hopping and panty throwing? Daly is a hazard period, hence my nickname, the anti-Christ of the Tour. In the ad, Daly is seen driving a golf chart and “grabbing a beer out of a guy’s mouth.” (Could have used real life footage for that?) He also (painfully) sings and plays guitar in a “rowdy bar, where [viewers] see a woman’s undergarments thrown at him in appreciation.” A 90-second uncut version is posted on maxfli.com, in which a woman “appears to lift her blouse to flash Daly, who’s also seen doing a semi-wheelie in a golf cart.”

VICK THE DICK
Michael Vick is so far removed from my hot-list that I’m only gonna highlight his asinine behavior. Apparently, Vick was supposed to go before Congress and lobby lawmakers to increase funding for after school programs. (How or why Vick was chosen for this is beyond me)…but he failed to make it because his AirTran flight wound up stuck in Atlanta-or so his publicist claims. AirTran, who is an endorser of Vick’s, gave a different account of Vick’s travel arrangements. They claim that that Vick “was booked on a 10:50pm flight” out of Atlanta, but “failed to show.” Here’s an idea Vick: PUT THE BONG DOWN.

SAVE THE CHEERLEADERS: SAVE THE WORLD
Someone really needs their meds…according the to Seattle Post, the FBI is investigating a series of letters, some of which contained a hazardous insecticide, sent from the Seattle area to TV stations and university athletic departments, in which the author complained that sports networks “ignore scantily clad cheerleaders in favor of more modestly dressed squads.” In excerpts of the letters released Tuesday by the FBI, the unknown nut ball author accuses sports broadcasters of focusing cameras on lightly dressed cheerleaders for their own amusement. “Pigs park their cameras on us close up, front view, dozens of times each game, yet rarely ever show on TV in this manner, unless squads are wearing sweaters, jackets, under shirts, etc,” the author said in a 2004 letter….here’s an idea for the “author”- start your own blog jackass! You think I rely on camera-men for any close-up coverage of scantily clad beasts? Dah.

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.

*Publishing Notice*
I’m taking a few days off…I’ll resume posts Thursday the 26th…Go Nuggets.

RAFAEL BEATS THE SWISS-MISS

“Congratulations to Rafa,” Federer said. “What he has achieved is fantastic.” Music to my ears…it feels so good to write…Rafael Nadal beat Roger Federer to win his third straight Monte Carlos Masters title. Our sexy Spaniard now has a clay-court winning streak of 67, making this the 5th consecutive clay-court spanking he’s delivered to the Swiss-Miss.

Rafa and his biceps have become the first player, since 1971, to win three straight Monte-Carlo titles. The only other players to win the title three times in the Open Era are Bjorn Borg (1977, 1979-80) and Thomas Muster (1992, 1995-96). Isnt it just grand when our tapa makes history…if only they had a waited a few more months before releasing Rafas book…and what I wouldn’t pay for my rusty Wonder Twin powers to kick in and transform me into…the…form…of…anything close to Rafael’s mouth…

CHELSEA

Ouch…Chelsea missed their chance to cut Man-U’s lead in the Premier League to a single point on Sunday when they managed a 0-0 draw at Newcastle United. With four games left, United are top on 82 points and Chelsea have 79. Chelsea, hopefully, will cause Man-U call to scream “daddy” when they meet at Stamford Bridge on May 9.

INTER MILAN: SCUDETTO

Inter Milan and it’s glorious roster of fine men, beat Siena 2-1, earning their 15th Italian serie A football championship. Marco Materazzi and his tats scored two goals to help Inter move 16 points ahead of second-place AS Roma, which lost at Atalanta 2-1 in a Totti free game.

RORY SABBATINI & BANFIELD PET HOSPITAL

It’s easy to win hot points with me, help a kid or an animal and your status is golden. And PGA Tour beast Rory Sabbatini is definitely 14k. Banfield, the world’s largest private veterinary practice and Sabbatini have announced they are extending their ‘Pet Hero Tag’ sales to raise dollars for the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund. The Hero Tag campaign initially kicked off February 1, 2007 and its success has inspired the partnership to continue until the end of the year. The limited edition “Hero Tags” will continue to be available for sale at all of Banfields veterinary hospitals around the country. “My family and I are quite proud to be part of such a noble effort,” says Rory Sabbatini, who placed T2 at the 2007 Masters, 2006 Nissan Open Champion, and the #12-ranked player on the 2006 PGA TOUR. “We appreciate Banfield’s support and look forward to carrying on our partnership for further success of the Hero Tag campaign.” Sabbatini has been a big supporter of the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund since 2005. In less than two years, his efforts, along with the efforts of the PGA TOUR, have raised in excess of $500,000. Hero Tags are available most Banfield Pet Hospitals for $2 each-with 100 percent of the revenue dedicated to the Intrepid Fallen Heroes Fund.

WARNING SIGNS PILING UP

Remember in February of 2006, when Sebastian Telfair was caught with a gun hidden in his pillowcase aboard his teams’ plane? Well I do. And I was really disturbed that his punishment was a lousy fine and 2 day suspension. I was even more disturbed that the incident flew well below the media radar. Now in a Celtics jersey instead of a Trailblazers, Sebastian Telfair was arrested Friday (4/20) after the po-po stopped him for speeding and found a Loaded handgun under a seat in his SUV. The 21-year old Mensa reject was stopped at about 4 a.m. on the Bronx River Parkway in Yonkers, N.Y. after being clocked at 77 mph in a 45-mph zone in his Range Rover. Since Telfair didn’t have a valid license, the po-po impounded & searched his SUV, where they found the gun. Telfair used the oldest and lamest excuse in the book, he didn’t know anything about the gun- the gun that was visibly sticking out from under the passenger seat, in his car…

TOM BRADY, HIS COWBOY HAT & SPERM
On Friday, Coty Inc. formally announced that it has signed Tom Brady to an endorsement deal for Stetson fragrances. In response to the N.Y. gossip column that said Brady “demanded a huge trailer and refused to wear a cowboy hat” in his first ad shoot for the brand, Boston Herald gossip columnists Fee & Raposa cite friends of Brady’s as saying that “the divo-ish behavior described in the N.Y. Daily News doesn’t add up.” Patriots Exec Dir of Media Relations Stacey James: “I have never heard anyone utter a negative word about Tom.”

And this is where the king of all things politically incorrect, Bill Maher comes in. On Fridays show, the 420-friendly host discussed, among other things, how “Magazines often get it wrong”. Maher held up a copy of Sports Illustrated (the Politically Incorrect version) which read: ‘What’s Wrong With Tom Brady’s Sperm?’…assisting those who have been living in a cave, Maher added, “He impregnates a lot of women”.

GET OFF YOUR THRONE
King Lebron James has canceled his ‘King for Kids Bike-a-thon’ scheduled for June 30 because he’s just too busy. The events which James is using an excuse to dis the kids? His second child in due mid-June, the Cavaliers are in the playoffs (and will lose) and he is building a new home. His publicist said, “The bike-athon simply cannot take place without LeBron. It’s too much.” Whatever King James. You’re not gonna win the playoffs, the baby is unlikely to be born on the 30th, and I don’t see you building the house yourself. If you seriously can’t climb off your throne for one day, then you really aren’t the man we thought you were.

MARADONA UPDATE

Diego Maradona was transferred Saturday to a private psychiatric clinic where he is to undergo treatment for alcohol addiction after being hospitalized twice in less than a month. Alfredo Cahe, personal physician to the furry Argentine soccer stud, said the beast elected treatment at a private clinic that specializes in dependency treatment. “He himself decided on this choice … to enter the clinic,” Cahe said on the Argentine broadcast network Todo Noticias.

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.

CAMILO VILLEGAS: GOLF FITNESS ACADEMY

Seriously. Why hasn’t this beast graced the cover of every magazine imaginable? When I say I watched Camilo Villegas’ workout on Golf-TV, I mean it literally. I watched it. I vaguely recall hearing words such as lengthen, motion, slow, strengthen, rotating torso, hip-twist, push-pull, push-pull…all spoken in a soft, yet discernable Columbian accent.

If case you missed this insightful program, where Camilo performed the splits and sent my hormones into seizures, it will re-air April 22 at 4 p.m., April 23 at 6 p.m., and April 24 at 5:30 a.m. Set your DVR’s and be sure to send thank you notes to Camilo’s agent for finally getting him the exposure we’ve been waiting for. He not only flexed like a king but exquisitely detailed why he has such a flawless physique. ME-friggin-OW.

ADAM SCOTT FOUNDATION & YOUNGCARE
If this isnt a good reason to go down under, I don’t know what is. Burberry beast Adam Scott has not only launched his foundation, but he’s partnered with Youngcare to build apartments for young people “requiring high care.” Director of Youngcare David Conry said the partnership with the Adam Scott Foundation allows the charity to achieve one of its goals of expanding its services a lot sooner than originally planned. “The support being provided by the Adam Scott Foundation has allowed us to start the Gold Coast facility a lot sooner than anticipated,” David Conry said.

In his own words, Adam Scott effectively explains the numerous reason why I adore him: “I am delighted to have the opportunity to establish the Adam Scott Foundation and of creating a long term, sustainable organization that will offer opportunity to youth in our community”. For a number of years now I have envisaged creating a structure that will allow me to assist various youth groups that need help. As I have traveled the world playing Professional Golf and experiencing many favorable situations, it has also become apparent to me just how many people are suffering, disadvantaged and lacking opportunity. I was fortunate to be offered the opportunity of following my chosen path, but not everyone has that fortune. I believe that the giving of an opportunity may be one of the greatest gifts of all – be that an opportunity for a single experience to a sick child, to a chance to follow a dream that may otherwise be unattainable“.

EPL ACTIVITY

Chelsea babe Shaun Wright-Phillips scored two spectacular goals during Chelsea’s 4-1 spanking over West-Ham. Salomon Kalou kicked one in, as did my Ivory Coast King Drogba- his 19th goal of the season. The two time defending boys in blue are now a scant 3 points behind Man-U, who are vying for three major trophies this season, while Chelsea is aiming for four.

Francesco Totti and the entire posse of AS Roma babes beat Inter Milan 3-1 to temporarily halt the Italian leader from winning the league title. While its probable that Inter Milan will win the coveted title, I can still appreciate the passion of a game where one hot Italian team, AS Roma, handed another hot Italian team, Inter-Milan, it’s first league loss of the season.

THE $100K HAT

“I find it ridiculous that the NFL would fine me $100,000.” By now I’m sure you’ve all heard that the Bears’ Brian Urlacher was fined $100,000 by the NFL for wearing a hat during Super Bowl media day promoting Vitaminwater. As we are painfully aware, you cant even say SuperBowl or NFL without paying a franchise fee. Because Gatorade is the leagues “official” beverage, and Vitaminwater is not an NFL sponsor, Urlacher’s fine was over inflated. “Because of the exposure Urlacher gave to the brand at media day, he was charged ten times as much.” In Chicago, Brad Biggs reports when Glaceau President Mike Repole was asked if he “planned to help out his investor with the fine,” he laughed. Repole: “I haven’t talked with Brian yet –- we usually speak every once in a while -– but I think we’ll have a nice discussion the next time we do.” Two thumbs up for putting Vitaminwater on the map and pissing off the NFL, I applaud you Brian Urlacher.

TOM BRADY: STETSON
Though the dust on his heels comes from the streets of the city, the heart of the urban cowboy beats with the spirit of the Wild West. With his rugged good looks, it is no surprise that his ability to charm women is legendary. Although many a good woman has tried to claim his heart, he remains…untamed.

And so it says on the Stetson website. The latest Athlebrity to taut a fragrance is Tom Brady. In N.Y., gossip columnists Rush & Molloy report that Tom Brady has signed on with Stetson cologne, but one source said that Brady “refused to put on a cowboy hat” for his first ad shoot. The source: “What’s a Stetson ad without the Stetson hat?” Come on Brady- put on the damn hat and look pretty for the camera. It’s not like we haven’t seen you in one before.

REST IN PEACE

My favorite creepy company, Eternal Images announced that it has received permission from Major League Baseball to expand its licensing agreement. The company, which already produces funeral urns and caskets featuring Major League Baseball team logos and colors will now be able to extend its agreement into vault and monument lines. Yippie! Clint Mytych, CEO of Eternal Image. “This agreement positions us as the sole provider of Major League Baseball themed funeral products across all platforms.” The company is debuting the first eight urns now and will then follow with 12 more teams at the end of 2007 and the balance of 10 teams in 2008. The casket line will roll out beginning with the same eight teams in the fall of 2007 with groups of 12 and 10 caskets following about every six months. And the only way you’re getting me into one of these themed things is if there is a hottie buried with me. I suggest Eternal Images creates PGA themed caskets and urns. I could rest peacefully in a Burberry lined casket, or an extra-long NBA themed casket, big enough for Melo and I?

PHIL MICKELSON IS OKAY BY ME
I’ve resisted giving Phil Mickelson any love because I don’t like his attitude on the greens. Off the greens, however, I can’t ignore his big heart. The Phil & Amy Mickelson Charitable Foundation will make a third contribution of $250,000 this year at the PGA Tour Zurich Classic in New Orleans in support of the Hurricane Katrina relief effort. And for that, Phil and Amy (even though I don’t like her) earn a mighty, mighty good-couple nod.

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.

ROGER FEDERER: MEN’S VOGUE
“When you are younger and playing well, you want to play and play and play until you lose, but I have got to the point where I can leave it for a while and come back confident it is all still there.” Of course you can Roger, of course you can.

The Swiss-Miss has more ego-food, the cover of the May/June issue of Men’s Vogue. His majesty in a 12-page spread that includes a photo shoot in Dubai by Annie Leibovitz and a story that looks at his “life and likes (think cars, international cuisine and video games and attitude) well beyond the tennis court.” Men’s Vogue Editor: “I try to find a range of personalities to put on the cover that don’t simply lock us into Hollywood celebrities.” Well said, but until Camilo Villegas is on the cover, I ain’t buying it.

RAFAEL NADAL 63

Oh yeah! Our sexy little Rafa and his biceps have extended his clay-court winning streak to 63 matches today by spanking Chela outta the Monte Carlo Masters. Our tapa is aiming for his third straight Monte Carlo title and his one-hundredth appearance in my hormones. The last time our beast lost on clay, was at the Valencia Open in April of 2005. Congratulations to our favorite import.

ZIDANE HEAD BUTTING HIS WAY TO US?

Oh how the rumor mill churns…reports out of Europe over the last few days have claimed that retired head-butter and human rights activist Zinedine Zidane may come kick-it with MLS. However, the club yesterday said that “such a move appears very unlikely,” according to Grahame Jones of the L.A. Times. Zidane “has rejected repeated overtures by AEG, which is said to have a standing offer for Zidane to play” with either the Fire or Galaxy. AEG President & CEO Tim Leiweke: “We have contacted his entourage about coming to play for us this year. He knows our door will always be open. His contract won’t be a problem.” Galaxy President & GM Alexi Lalas, despite telling London newspapers this past weekend that he was pursuing Zidane, said, “I can’t comment about specifics of any of the negotiations we have. All I can say is we continue to court the best players we possibly can.” BUT, Foxsports.com’s Nick Webster writes, “I also have it on good authority that the deal has already been done.” Ya know, I’m actually starting to enjoy the influx of Europe’s leftover hotties.

SIDNEY CROSBY: GATORADE

Penguin’s sensation Sidney Crosby has become the “first hockey player ever to be endorsed by Gatorade in the U.S.” Sidney and his lips reached a multi-year agreement about a month ago. Terms of the deal were not disclosed, and although Crosby already has a deal to hawk Gatorade in Canada, the U.S. deal is separate. Look for Crosby alongside other Gatorade babes (Kevin Garnett, Derek Jeter, & Peyton Manning, and Mia Hamm) on gatorade.com this week.

PELE “FOOTBALL DREAMS”

The Qatari sports academy has launched a program that will provide African students from seven nations with a chance to study and train in one of the world’s most advanced sports Academies. “Football Dreams” is the largest Football talent search project in history and when testing starts at the end of May, six thousand staff will screen more than 500,000 boys born in 1994 in seven different countries across 700 locations around Africa. Brazilian football legend Pele was on hand for the press conference, and I’m wondering how the hell I can become a member of ‘screening staff’…

MOLTO BENE

The hottest men to grace the soccer field, our World Cup champion Italians, have returned to No. 1 in FIFA’s world rankings on Wednesday, ending Argentina’s one-month stay on top.

A GOOD REASON TO BUY PLAYBOY?
“‘No sex on game day’ is definitely not written on my bed. That would be too limiting. Ninety-nine percent of the time it’s not happening because you’re in a routine that day; you’re totally focused. But I don’t make a law of it.”

Phew, thank god! Sexy Suns guard Steve Nash is the subject of an “in-depth interview” in the May issue of Playboy. It’s a great interview, too, one of which lends insight into why Nash really is one of the good guys. Playboy asked him about the 2003 All Star Game, where Nash showed up in a “No War, Shoot For Peace” T-shirt. PLAYBOY: You took a political stand at the 2003 All-Star Game, wearing a T-shirt that read No War — Shoot for Peace. Opposing the invasion of Iraq seems awfully smart now. Do you feel vindicated? NASH: I don’t need to feel vindicated about Iraq. Look, it’s not about “I told you so.” I just don’t believe in aggressive war. Aggression should be a last resort. I didn’t think we had done all we could to find weapons of mass destruction before launching an invasion. That’s all. I wasn’t being anti-American or anti-Bush. And I didn’t say you have to believe what I believe. I just wanted everyone to try to be a little more informed, to dig a little deeper.” (Playboy, 5/ ’07 issue)

MLS DYNAMO

As the country mourns the tragedy that struck Virginia Tech this week, many hotties and teams are showing their support. Moments of silence were held at many arenas and now the MLS Dynamo are doing their share. The team plans to turn their next home game, (April 29) into a fundraiser to support Virginia Tech. The Dynamo, whose colors are orange, white and light blue, will wear maroon jerseys and orange shorts or socks for the game. adidas has already designed the jerseys, and MLS has approved them. The jerseys will be auctioned off afterwards, and proceeds will go to a yet-to-be-named charity at the school. “We’re going to reach out to the school when the time’s appropriate,” Dynamo COO Chris Canetti said. “It’s our little way of trying to help the community heal.” (SBJ 4/19).

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.

GOLF FITNESS ACADEMY FEATURING CAMILO VILLEGAS

A headline often spotted in my dreams has now become a reality. On a new episode of Golf Fitness Academy, co-hosts whoever and whoever are joined by “PGA Tour star Camilo Villegas”, or as we purrfer, our sexy, lawn crawling kitten. In the episode, Camilo speaks directly to our libido by explaining “the importance of strengthening and lengthening muscles” while demonstrating a total body workout routine. I repeat, a total body workout routine. He stretches, sweats and taunts us while he works out to help add speed, power and flexibility to his golf swing. (Thank god for my daily 6 AM downward dogs). What more could we possibly ask for? Camilo Villegas demonstrating exercises targeting the (yes) Upper Body, (oh yes) Lower Body and (oh hell yes) Total Body. Episode 2: Camilo Villegas, airs Wednesday, April 18, at 10:30 p.m. EDT. It will re-air April 19 at 2 a.m., April 22 at 4 p.m., April 23 at 6 p.m., and April 24 at 5:30 a.m. The Golf Channel: Sneak preview…god bless ‘em.

F1 BAHRAIN: LEWIS HAMILTON SECOND

And now’s he’s really done it. F1 rookie babe Lewis Hamilton has made history. This fine beast has now completed three successive podium finishes. “I’m very pleased with today’s result. To have finished on the podium three times out of three is fantastic.” Hamilton finished second, placing him ahead of teammate Alonso for the first time. There hasn’t been a F1 rookie driver of this caliber since Jacques Villeneuve placed 2nd in his first race in 1996. Hamilton is being widely compared to a number of elite athletes including Tiger Woods and Michael Schumacher, arguably the best F1 racer in history. On Autosport.com, Williams’ team boss said: “I thought after we got rid of Michael, ‘Now we’ve got a chance again.’ But then another superhuman turns up. Hamilton is a different character, I think, but purely in terms of caliber or quality of skill, what I’m seeing so early in this man’s career is remarkable.” Our beast on wheels will next race on May 13 in Spain. And from the look of things, I expect we’ll be seeing another sexy champagne-podium finish there as well.

THANK YOU MICHAEL BALLACK
“It’s a big, big final, between first and second in Premier League, between two semi-finalists in the Champions League,” Jose Mourinho told Sky Sports. “It’s a very special feeling, I think the game was amazing. It was the kind of game where you win you are crazy with happiness but you have a lot of thoughts for your opponents. They gave us a game - it was not a surprise to me I was waiting for this - they fought like heroes.”

As sexy Jose Mourinho explained, our Chelsea babes had a fantastic victory over the weekend, teasing us with the prospect of facing Man-U in showdowns for the Premiership AND the FA Cup. “Independent of what happens for the rest of the season, we could win everything, they could win everything or even if we both win nothing, Chelsea and Manchester United are two unbelievable teams.” Indeed. Chelsea’s 2-1 victory was sealed with an overtime goal by Michael Ballack and his arms.

VAMOS ON CLAY

Our delicious tapa, Rafael Nadal, was supposed to lasso my libido for the doubles-match this morning as the Monte Carlo tournament kicked off. Instead, our beast of biceps lost his first round doubles match with partner, Tomeu Salva-Vidal. In efforts to get more of a Rafa-fix, I tried to get more info on his book. According to Rafa’s website, “the thinking behind the book was explained, it has always been thought of more as the story of a champion than as a biography so to speak. The authors wanted to point out that the story begins with the time when Rafa Nadal suffered his foot injury in December 2005. The book tries to relate how the tennis player from Manacor dealt with this difficult time (the most decisive moment of his career) and then pick up his spectacular career during the 2006 season which saw him go on to demonstrate to himself, and the whole world, his champion fibre.” Um-hum. Rafa’s champion “fibre” confirmed that part of the proceeds from the sale of his book would go to a Foundation that he is creating.

DIEGO MARADONA UPDATE

“During his first 24 hours in the hospital, Diego Maradona has not suffered the symptoms which caused him to be admitted,” said a statement from Maradona’s doctor. “However, there are some changes in test results which make it advisable to keep him in to monitor how he develops. The patient remains stable and the next press release will be delivered on Monday midday (Argentinean time).” Our furry spitfire will remain at the clinic where he will be looked after by a medical team including doctors and psychiatrists supported by obesity, nutrition and liver specialists. Sounds like the staffs got their work cut out for them.

ANDRE AGASSI AND TONY HAWK

Yes, Andre Agassi accidentally hit Steffi in the mouth with his tennis racket, causing her to need a few stitches. But buried under the accidental hit, is a better story. Oprah has sponsored a reality show called “The Big Give” which involves fundraising. On this particular day, filming was taking place at an elementary school in Houston, for a segment on a fundraising competition between Agassi and skateboard-god Tony Hawk. Hawk and his group gave a free skateboarding and BMX show near Minute Maid Park and collected toys for kids and an unspecified amount of cash, while Andre and Steffi hit balls. The school will receive roughly $300,000 in upgrades and supplies from the Oprah sponsored reality show. “The kids there need help as much as any in society,” Agassi said. “There’s mold in the building, which creates health issues. You have to be healthy to learn. They also need computers — theirs have been around longer than I have — they need books, they don’t have a playground, and it’s been broken into 12 times. We have a challenge. The challenge is to be effective not just in what we do but how we do it, and I think the difference is going to be reflected in these kids’ lives.”

NIKE THANKS DON IMUS
Nike ran a full-page ad in Sunday’s N.Y. Times indirectly thanking former CBS Radio host Don Imus for his comments about the Rutgers Univ. women’s basketball team, without actually mentioning his name. The ad reads, “Thank you, ignorance. Thank you for starting the conversation. Thank you for making an entire nation listen to the Rutger’s [sic] team story. And for making us wonder what other great stories we’ve missed. Thank you for reminding us to think before we speak. Thank you for showing us how strong and poised 18 and 20-year-old women can be. Thank you for reminding us that another basketball tournament goes on in March. Thank you for showing us that sport includes more than the time spent on the court. Thank you for unintentionally moving women’s sport forward. And thank you for making all of us realize that we still have a long way to go.”

MAMAS BOYS

We got a delicious season of Chunky Soup ads to look forward to. The starting line-up for the new “Mama’s Boys” Campbell’s Chunk Soup campaign are: LaDainian Tomlinson, Matt Hasselbeck, Vince Young, Larry Johnson, Jonathan Vilma, DeMarcus Ware, Devin Hester and Todd Heap. The eight beasts will be the largest group of NFL players to promote the soup, which is in its 10th season of featuring the league’s players. Look for the new ads to break on September 6th.

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.