What I Want For Christmas
Dear Santa,
This year, my wish list is rather long but I’m hoping for a few gifts that will last throughout the New Year.
First, it would be nice to get a new Allen Iverson Nuggets jersey. Admittedly, the idea of Iverson playing alongside our precious Melo induces rather naughty thoughts, but a new Iverson jersey to cuddle with, while wearing my Melo one, would help me sleep better at night. In case you need help finding one for me, the NBA store in N.Y. is selling them.
It would also be nice if we could have more hot wax figurines of hotties, not trannies like Ronaldinho. These things are already spooky, so let’s try to spice them up a bit.
Another great gift would be more hot team Italy ads. Nothing generated more interest in Golden Balls than Paulo Maldini or our Dolce & Gabbana boys.
And Santa, its really important for Camilo Villegas to have a great year. Can you help him deliver a Tour Victory? Yes, I know he won the Professional Masters of Golf tourney in Columbia, but how about a big finish in the Buick or Stanford St. Jude Championship? I also wouldn’t mind some extra media coverage of Camilo mid-crawl, and if possible, it would be the best gift of all if Camilo knew me by name.
We also could really use more golf hotties off-the-greens. AT&T has given us flawless coverage of how our hotties live, YouTube has exposed some of PGA’s finest, Cigar Aficionado, GQ, and People have all tapped into the hot golfers, but we need more. More Burberry ads from Adam Scott pa-leeze, and more, more, more Ian Poulter action.
Of course, my wish list includes Didier Drogba and Chelsea. It’s vital to my libido that Drogba continue to score, take off his shirt, and taunt his opponents. Drogba’s phenomenal season aided in Chelsea clinching a quarterfinal win and if he must continue to perform, can we get it done topless.
Speaking of futbol Santa, can you make sure that Totti, and other spine-tingling Euro ballers, keep sucking their thumbs after scoring?
Because Christmas is really for the kids, would it be too much to ask of you to give us more hotties posing with their children? Nothing is sexier than a big strong man showering love on a child. If you can’t give us that, at least keep the hotties in a generous mood. Anytime they donate or brighten a life, we’d like to be there. It inspires us, and turns us on.
Santa, pa-leeze ask the hotties to stop it with the cologne. No more Avon, Lauder or cosmetic deals period. It’s demasculating and embarrassing.
How about some more bicep action from Rafael Nadal? Each flex is a gift and if he could flex-it-up and dethrone Roger Federer, that would be the best gift of all.
And while we’re on the subject of tennis, can you also ask Andy Roddick to stop making weird faces and perform the happy-wipe more often? If he needs help, James Blake and his delicious booty have perfected the ‘wipe’.
My wish list also has a special category for inked-up babes. So Santa, if you wouldn’t mind, pa-leeze send me more hotties with visible tat’s. It doesn’t have to be all men, for my purposes, a few will suffice.
But most of all Santa, you’ve already given me the best gift a girl could ask for. Awesome readers. I had no idea that there were so many sporn-crazed-like-minded people out there who actually chuckle at my words. I look forward to hopefully giving them the gift of laughter, love, and beautiful men throughout 2007. Because without them, I’d be nothing. So thanks to each and every one of you who wrote to me, tipped me off, flagged a new hottie or danced in the joy of these spectacular athletes. Have a safe and happy holiday…I’ll be posting periodically throughout the next week. Till then, remember to watch the athletes, not just the games.
