FIRST THINGS FIRST
“Typical NBA punch. In hockey, your own team would beat you up for that” – Suns G Steve Nash, on Carmelo Anthony hitting Knicks G Mardy Collins.

The fall-out from the MSG-Gate incident continues to fall. While my Melo has been suspended for 15 games, it seems that the media is eating him alive. I stand firmly on my beliefs that Melo is not a bad guy and made a mistake. Let’s just get over it and move on. Nugget Reggie White left the court last night wearing Melo’s jersey while carrying J.R. Smiths jersey.

Shawn White, the red-hot snow-skate king, also attended the Nuggets-Wizards game last night…Also making me extremely happy, Terrell Owens has been fined $35,000 for spitting in the face of DeAngelo Hall. The latest addition to the Mensa Reject Hall of Fame initially apologized for spitting, but in true Reject form, T.O. rationalized: “When it happened, we were jawing in each other’s face, so it wasn’t anything intentional,” Owens said. “I didn’t intentionally spit in his face. He’s trying to make it seem like more than what it was by saying I hauled off and spit in his face. I feel like if I spit in his face … somebody would’ve seen it.” One word comes to mind. IDIOT.

CAPTAIN CANNAVARO IGNITES ME

YES! As my libido anticipated, Fabio Cannavaro won the FIFA World Player of the Year award during the 16th FIFA World Player Gala in Zurich. Our flawless Italian beast did us proud by beating trannie Ronaldinho (2nd place) and asshole Zinedine Zidane (3rd place). And the only reason I’m giving Zidane a very small nod is because he also received another award. Algeria President Abdelaziz Bouteflika awarded the Athir medal to Zidane, whose parents are Algerian. The medal is the country’s highest honor and is normally reserved for heads of state and war heroes. A charitable foundation “represented” Zidane raised $6.5M for humanitarian projects in Algeria. And if this is true, he gets a little pat on the back.

BLAZING LOVE

The Portland Trail Blazers held a holiday celebration with the Big Brothers, Big Sisters Northwest chapter at the teams practice facility yesterday. My holiday spirit was aroused as Jarrett Jack, Brandon Roy, Sergio Rodriguez and others gave the kids a real holiday treat.

TOM BRADY IS SINGLE

We got us some fresh meat…Tom Brady and Bridget Moynihan have broken up. My condolences.

REAL INSURANCE FOR BECKHAM

What do you think David Beckham’s body is worth? $195M perhaps? The dethroned king of beasts, David Beckham, has taken out a $195M insurance policy on his hot body. Not to be outdone, this policy is considered the “biggest personal insurance policy in sporting history,” according to the London Times. The policy “covers him for far more than injury on the field,” as it includes coverage for disfigurement or serious illness. Beckham can also decide “whether to compensate his club in the event that he suffers a serious injury while playing.” The policy does not cover emotional damage caused by being benched or shunned by Athlebrities.

COOL KICKS ON CHAD JOHNSON

What’s the big deal? Bengals freak Chad Johnson was sporting some awesome Reebok shoes, adorned with holographic images of his touchdown catches, during last night’s warm-ups before the Colts game. Merton Hanks, who handles NFL uniform enforcement, ordered Chad to ditch the kicks. Hanks told him, “I’m already going to fine him. I told him to take them off. If he doesn’t take them off I’m going to have an official pull him off the field and make him take the shoes off.” With this “enforcement”, Marks has nominated himself as another jerk wielding an over inflated sense of power. By the way, Chad was a good boy and changed shoes.

MAGIC KNOCKED OUT

The Magic apologized after receiving eight complaints about a halftime-boxing match between a live kangaroo and the team’s mascot during last Monday’s game against the Suns. It will be the “last live animal vs. mascot match the Magic will ever sanction.” Question- why were there only 8 complaints? And where the hell is PETA when you need them? The Magic’s antiquated entertainment venture has put them on my shit list. I don’t know if the kangaroo won, but the Magic definitely lost.

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.com