UPDATE 12:30 pst
The Dubliner mag-rag which ran the story on Tiger Woods and Elin, has issued the following statement in an effort to save their ass: “The publishers and staff of Dubliner acknowledge that the satirical article was inappropriate and wish to sincerely apologize to Tiger Woods and his wife Elin and other Ryder Cup players and their families for any offence they may have taken to it,” the company said. “The article was written as a satirical piece and in the context of the entire page the publishers believed that readers would not be left thinking that there was any truth in the assertions, it being an absurd parody of the inaccurate tabloid publishing generally. If any contrary impression was given, it certainly does not intend for this, and the publisher unreservedly apologizes.”

BULLSHIT

The second official practice day of the 2006 Ryder Cup is underway in Ireland, and Tiger Woods ain’t too happy. Yesterday, an Irish tabloid ran a story linking Elin, Tigers wife, to various “porn sites.” First of all, I don’t give a rats ass if Elin posed nude or did porno- neither of which I believe she did. It does nothing to deter us from Tiger’s class, talent and character. I gotta side with the “racially motivated” supporters on this one. Now admittedly, I made a comment yesterday about keeping the wives and girlfriends outta the public eye. I only say that because as fans, we wanna watch our hotties unfettered. But this piece of crap rag-mag took it one step too far-and even I was insulted. The rag wrote: “Most American golfers are married to women who cannot keep their clothes on in public. Is it too much to ask that they leave them at home for the Ryder Cup? Consider the evidence. Tiger Woods’ wife can be found in a variety of sweaty poses on porn sites.” That’s their evidence? Mark Steinberg, Tiger’s agent said: “It’s ridiculous. I can’t say much now because of prejudice, because I’m not sure what we’ll do in the future. Everyone knew it (the nude photo) wasn’t her. It’s plain as day. You can see it’s not factual. It’s kind of ironic they bring it up this week.” Tiger was not scheduled to speak to reporters until Thursday, but asked to move the session to Wednesday. “I know the media can be a little bit difficult at times, but when you … it’s hard to be very diplomatic about this when you have so much emotion involved, when my wife is involved in this,” Woods said. “As I said, I don’t want that to deter from the beauty of this event. You do things for the people you love and you care about. My father got ridiculed for years, and I always felt for my father and my mother the same way. My wife, we’re in it together. We’re a team, and we do things as a team. And I care about her with all my heart.” And we care about you Tiger Woods, so don’t worry, we’re behind ya 100% and nothing is going to ruin the beauty of this event…except maybe the uniforms?

The U.S. Ryder Cup team is being outfitted by Ralph Lauren, all in varying shades of (yawn) brown. Not sure what Ralph was thinking of when he cleaned out his grandpa’s closet, but I would say they definitely got it better than the European team, whose outfits were designed by Italian label Canali.

THE BIONIC FINGER

The Athlebrity Gods have given us a gift we couldn’t have possibly imagined. Terrell Owens. The super stud broke his hand in Sunday night’s game and had a plate screwed into the bone attached to his right ring finger. We now have one of the hottest men alive with a steal plate in his FINGER! Need I elaborate?

AUSTRALIA VS ARGENTINA

The bad blood between Lleyton Hewitt and the Argentines began at last year’s Australian Open when Juan Ignacio Chela got pissed at Lleyton and spit at him. Now, Hewitt has once again incurred the wrath of Argentinean rivals by arriving for a Davis Cup semi-final with two bodyguards. Hottie left his family at home for fear a “possible kidnapping” and will also have six local security guards on hand to assist his two Australian bodyguards. “Hewitt seems to think that he’s come to Iraq, that they are going to plant a bomb,” blasted Argentinean player Jose Acasuso. “But we’re not bothered because this is the circus that he wanted to set up. Nothing’s going to happen and we shouldn’t pay any attention to it.” Hewitt’s manager Robert Aivatoglou dismissed the comments about the security. “Wherever he travels, we arrange the appropriate level of security that we feel is necessary. We assessed the situation in Buenos Aires and we haven’t treated this any differently to anywhere else he travels. The bodyguards are associated with the Australian team and we feel it’s appropriate that Lleyton has this level of security.” Argentina and Australia will play one of the semifinals of the Davis Cup tennis tournament from 22 to 24 September.

SHAQ’S BURN LOUNGE

Shaq is continuing to take over the world, this time, by selling his CD’s. BurnLounge, “the world’s first community-powered digital music service today announced that Shaq-Daddy has joined the network promote his seven rap/hip-hop albums. Yes, there are seven of these monstrosities out there. “By distributing my albums through BurnLounge, it not only gives me a new outlet to reach my fans, but also gives them the opportunity to become digital-music promoters themselves by legally sharing music with their friends,” said Shaquille O’Neal. “I have always had a passion for music and I’m excited to work with a company that shares the same passion.” Yes Shaq, but passion doesn’t equate to talent. The painful rap journey began in 1993 with the release of his first album, “Shaq Diesel,” which god only knows how it sold over a million copies. From there Shaq pumped out an additional six ridiculously titles albums: “Shaq Fu - Da Return,” “You Can’t Stop the Reign,” “Respect,” “Superfriends,” “The Way It’s Going Down,” and “I Know I Got Skillz.” You got skills Shaq, ON THE COURT! To access Big Daddy’s personal BurnLounge digital music store, visit www.burnlounge.com/Shaq.

CHAT WITH BILLY WAGNER

Chat with a Star (www.ChatWithAStar.com) announced that sexy NY Mets reliever Billy Wagner will give daily blog updates via his Chat With A Star blog. As the best looking team in baseball makes a run at the 2006 Major League Baseball World Series, Wagner wants to share the love. “This is a very exciting time for us and I’d like to share it directly with the fans. My posts on www.ChatWithAStar.com will give fans an all access pass to the energy, fears, emotions, thoughts, drive, hunger and the ups and the downs in the clubhouse that you may not witness at the stadium or on TV.” Did someone say clubhouse?

GROW IT BACK

I got nothing but love for Steve Nash, but come on, we want your sexy your long hair back! Nash had his jersey number raised to the rafters along with a banner in his honor at the Leavey Center when he returned to be the keynote speaker at the University of Santa Clara in California, his Alma Mater.

SCARY FAN

The official groundbreaking for the MLS Red Bull Park took place yesterday in Harrison, N.J. On site was John Russo, a leader of the New York Red Bulls fan club, Raging Bull Nation. I had no idea we had scary fans in this country-but props to the dirty devil who got some Brazilian love during the ceremony.

As always, thanks for reading. Delinda
delinda@athlebrities.com