Last night, during the ESPY’s, I officially fell in love with Lance Armstrong.
The show basically showcased Lance Armstrong the man, not Lance the athlete. And oh my, is he appealing in every conceivable way a man can be or what? His smile could melt asphalt, and his commanding sexuality could easily convince me to swear off Team Italy.

My thoughts as the show started…Okay Lance, don’t blow it. Just relax. Looking good, great actually. Wow, nice suit. Okay yes, the World Cup, and France, “France was in the World Cup final this year”…don’t say they lost, too corny, oh no, don’t, cringing, no don’t go there Lance, goose-bumps, “All their players tested positive for…being assholes,” I love you for saying that Lance, brilliant, yes, and my god he’s cute, what a smile, he’s laughing, oh my god he’s so cute, more relaxed, see, we like you Lance, exhale, friends with Jake Gyllenhaal, what, they’re friends, hot, hot, hot, nice, great delivery, very natural, Bode Miller is there, oh Lance don’t go there, Bode Miller “Only drinks when he ski’s” oh no he didn’t, yes he did and I love him… Once Lance got into his groove, he was priceless and I fell deeply and madly in love with him. While I realize that Lance didn’t write his “jokes’, his delivery was flavored with the perfect blend of mischievousness and sex appeal. One of my friends said to me during the show: “Who doesn’t love Lance? If you don’t love Lance Armstrong, you’re a terrorist.”

And how did those classy French reporters respond to Lance and his poigant comments? The headline that appeared today in the French newspaper France Soir read: “Welcome in France asshole!”

When I awoke from my Lance-induced-fantasy, the delicious Athlebrities who graced the event assaulted my libido. Seeing Dwyane Wade, Lebron James, Alonzo Mourning, Matt Leinart, and James Blake in suits was enough to send me over the edge.

Dante Stallworth and his pink tie were worthy of a full spread in GQ, while Shaun White looked like he was going to have a nervous breakdown standing aside Carmen Electra.

I have been looking for an excuse to post images of Jake Gyllenhaal, and now I have it. The sexy beast had me drooling like a fool during his Espy airtime…my oh my.

It’s a beautiful day in Bangkok…one of Italy’s hottest soccer studs, Luca Toni toured the Grand Palace in Bangkok today.

Speaking of hot Italians, Alberto Gilardino demands some love. This hottie got by me during the Cup, and for that, I will never forgive myself. I think the photos speak for themselves. If you just gotta have more, check out his bio on Wikipidea, or go directly to his website. Unless you understand Italian, skip the content. I suggest going directly to the ‘fotos” link…

TIGER IS HUMAN
A while ago I posted an image of David Beckham puking during the World Cup. You all know I adore the man, and the image was posted in an effort to remind us all that he is indeed human. Now, another paparazzi shot has surfaced, which I think is totally tasteless and illustrates the lack of tact some photographers possess. I couldn’t belive my eyes when I saw it, and the caption. Is nothing scared anymore?

“Defending British Open champion, US golfer Tiger Woods leaves a portable toilet building during a practice round at The Royal Liverpool Golf Club, 17 July 2006. Woods started his early morning practice at 0630 in preparation for this years’ competition which begins on Thursday. AFP PHOTO/PAUL ELLIS (Photo credit should read PAUL ELLIS/AFP/Getty Images)”

MYSPACE.COM REJECTS

Watch yourself on MySpace people- its being used for background and character checks among potential employers. Case in point: Scott Schafer, the Texas teenager who got drafted last month by the Mets learned a valuable lesson about MySpace. Do not talk about the size of your “package” or how much you “enjoy drinking beer” if you plan on having a professional career. After the Mets got wind of this rejects page on MySpace, they launched “an investigation into his character.” His agent dropped him and eventually he signed for pennies. Now, he’s pitching for the rookie level Gulf Coast Mets in Florida. Poor baby. The MySpace profile has been yanked and spanked, while the Mets have buried their heads in the sand, declining to make him available for an interview or to comment.

SPORTS AND CATHOLIC MASS?
So soccer is trying to come alive in the States, and what a better way to kick it off than with a Catholic Mass. In another “you’ve got to be kidding me” event, Chivas USA held a Catholic Mass for “several hundred” fans at The Home Depot Center before Saturday’s game against the Galaxy. This marks the first time Mass was held in conjunction with a game in the U.S. and could be the end of the world as we know it. Granted, we heard “I would like to thank God” about ten thousand times during the Espy’s, but come on. According to the L.A. Times: “The service featured a 16th century statue of the Virgin Mary from the Mexican state of Jalisco. Performers in traditional Aztec regalia, drummers and singers livened the service, during which some people wore ties and dresses and others donned Chivas USA jerseys.” Chivas USA President Antonio Cue made a disturbing announcement: He “plans additional Masses and making the Virgin Mary’s visit to Home Depot Center a regular occurrence.” I was raised Catholic, and the thought of having Mass shoved down my throat at a soccer game is appalling. Especially since every time I look at a hottie, my mind is filled with sinful thoughts. I fear that I might spontaneously combust before the pitch. Leave Mary at home pa-leeze and let us sin in peace.

That’s it for now. As always, thanks for reading. Delinda.