KING JAMES GOES BIKING
The second-annual LeBron James King for Kids Bikeathon in Akron Ohio was in full swing this weekend. LeBron met with the Mayor of Akron at Lock 3 Park on Friday to thank the community for its love and to unveil the event’s newest sponsor: Microsoft. Microsoft’s Windows Live is taking the bikeathon global by creating a website (www. Lebronsbikeathon.com) which allows fans to take a virtual tour of the ride with King James and other hot celebrities. Lebrons charity bike event has more than 20 other sponsors, each dishing out anywhere from $5,000 to excess of $50,000.

FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE

We’ve all seen those crazy fans at the World Cup with their face-painted babies, attempting to raise a true fan. And it may actually work. Research shows that most children are loyal to the same team their parents are. And just to ensure your little fan is properly brainwashed, there is an ultra-scary company out-there to help you. Team Baby Entertainment, which was just purchased by Former Disney Chair & CEO Michael Eisner, is a “start-up company” that makes college-sports booster videos aimed at children ages 6 months to 5 years!

The 30-minute videos show children “in football jerseys and cheerleading outfits running, dancing and playing” to schools’ fight songs. The video’s are nothing short of frightening and should be outlawed. Once your little face-painter is properly schooled, they can take their team loyalty to the grave. MLB and Eternal Image Inc., a designer of funeral products, have reached a licensing agreement that allows demented fans to take their teams with them when they die. Attempting to reel in Mensa rejects, the deal allows Eternal Image to decorate its caskets and urns with the names and logos of any MLB team. “This new line of team-specific funeral products opens a whole new market for our company — a market that is just waiting for a way to make team loyalty a ‘final’ statement of a great passion in their lives,” Clint Mytych, chief executive officer of Eternal Image, said in a statement. This certainly makes burial services for Church of Athlebritolgy members more festive, but pa-leeze wait until 2007 to die, as the caskets and urns aren’t available until then. Price to be buried with your team? Caskets are about $3,000-3,500 and urns $600-1,000. And no, I didn’t make this up.

THE LONG ARM OF THE NBA

Heart stopping World Cup hottie Torsten Frings, from Germany, checks into his hotel sporting a Spurs jersey! Unfortunately due to delays in overseas broadcasting, nobody informed him the Heat won the title this year and the Spurs are sooooo ‘not in’ anymore.

WORLD CUP ITALIANS

Allesandro Del Piero and his thighs did some edible soccer field gymnastics as he and the rest of the hot Italians eliminated the hungry Aussie’s with 30 seconds left of regulation time. Francesco Totti scored on a penalty kick to advance his unbelievably hot Italian team to the next round.

After scoring, Totti caused me to again consult the DSM. (The DSM is an awesome reference book used by psychiatrists to diagnose mental disorders). Luckily, I found nothing associated with being sexually aroused by Hot Thumb Sucking Italians.

In answer to our prayers and the victory, the hand of God came down and ripped the shirts off the Italians…it is indeed a beautiful game.

Power tripping? Is anyone else sick of this little bastard and his cards? We know you got a pocket full of cards, but for the love of Athlebrities, let the boys play!

And finally, if the Athlebrity Gods are listening, pa-leeze, do NOT show me another photo of Brazilian transvestite Ronaldinho kissing a soccer ball. Tomorrow, my money is on team Ghana and Ghanian midfielder Sulley Muntari. Try to kiss that Ronaldinho!

That’s it for today. As always, thanks for reading. Delinda