EL HOMBRE ARANA
Camilo Villegas is in great shape as he crawls the greens at the Wachovia Championships, unfortunately, his game isnt going as well as his social life. As Villegas stood on the ninth tee yesterday, a young woman standing along the ropes said, “Camilo, are you going to hit your driver?” After hitting his shot, Camilo cheated on us and “drifted over to the ropes” and chatted with this beotch and her three “attractive” friends.

I have a strong suspicion that there is a conspiracy among PGA photographers at the tournament in reference to Camilo Villegas. Why? Because finding fresh pictures of Camilo Villegas is like finding a needle in a haystack. As evidenced by the throngs of horny woman hot on Camilo’s trail, he is the ideal poster child to sell Golf. I suspect the PGA is attempting to hide the sexy Columbian in order to avoid distractions on the course. I urge all of you Camilo Villegas fans to contact every tournament he plays in, and bombard them with emails, letters and phone calls pleading for more coverage of him. Power to the people, we want our Camilo Villegas, and we want him crawling.

DID NIKE BREAK WAYNE ROONEY’S FOOT?

With one great twist of an ankle, Nike gets in trouble. Last Saturday, England’s little bulldog, Wayne Rooney, broke his foot during a match in which he wore his new Nike’s for the first time in competition. Now, Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson will ask Nike to review the Total 90 Supremacy football boot which Wayne Rooney was wearing he broke his metatarsal, in order to determine whether the shoe played any part in the injury. Nike insists that the new boot was not responsible. “Wayne was involved in the testing for the boot,” said a spokesperson. “Neither he, nor any of the other players who tested the boot, experienced any problems in testing.” But Ferguson is hot on the heels of Nike to scrutinize the boot’s performance again. “I watched the video again and he has come down heavily on his foot and at speed,” said Ferguson. “I have complained [in the past] about the type of boots that are coming out and in particular the type of studs they are using now. Over the last few years these boot companies have been coming out with some nonsense - fancy white boots, red boots, tartan boots, you name it. Everything is coming out to sell it to young kids. But there has to be a dividing line between what is marketable and what is sensible.”

IS WORLD CUP TRAUMA INSURANCE SENSIBLE?
Nut-ball English football fanatic Paul Hucker has shelled out $195 for an insurance policy with britishinsurance.com “in case he suffers mental trauma if England gets knocked out in the early stages” of the ’06 FIFA World Cup. If England is eliminated in the first round, the insurer “will turn to five sports commentators to judge if their exit is premature.” Hucker would then have to prove, medically, that he has suffered severe mental trauma as a result to get his seven-figure payout. He whined: “I find when it goes to penalty shoot-outs it gets very difficult and I wanted to insure myself against psychological trauma.” *The policy does not cover England failing to progress through the tournament as a direct result of players being out due to metatarsal injuries ala Wayne Rooney style.

OAKLAND A’S GET DOWN AND DIRTY

In conjunction with Habitat for Humanity, Oakland A’s third base coach Ron Washington, left, and hot pitcher Huston Street helped build a new home to benefit a displaced family affected by Hurricane Katrina prior to the game against Cleveland on Wednesday.

NO TRAIN RIDE FOR ALLEN IVERSON

Athlebrity favorite, Allen Iverson lost his bid yesterday to give testimony in Philadelphia instead of Washington in a lawsuit stemming from a fight in the Eyebar club in Washington last year. Two patrons and two security guards at the club joined together in the suit after alleging Iverson and his security entourage assaulted them during a confrontation over seats in the bar. Allegedly Iverson whacked one of the patrons over the head with a bottle for not giving up the seat, which is understandable. The “victim” Marlin Godfrey, claims he suffered a concussion as well as injuries to his eardrum and right eye. The U.S. Magistrate-Judge pooh-poohed the crying by Iverson’s lawyers that the hottie would have to get up early and hire a driver to bring him to the deposition May 10. Poor baby.

CROWN YOURSELF ROYAL

Oh how I love me some Crown Royal. Especially now! Diageo, which makes the yummy Crown Royal whiskey brand, will run a contest giving a fan a chance to have his/her name as part of the title of the spring ’07 NASCAR Nextel Cup race at Richmond. The race will be called “The Your Name Here 400 presented by Crown Royal” until next year’s Daytona 500, when a winner will be selected from a pool of ten finalists. The winner’s name will be “recognized by NASCAR and on television as the race’s official name,” and the winner is also “expected to present a trophy to the race winner in Victory Lane.” Now how hot is that!

OSCAR DE LA HOYA ICELINK WATCH

IceLink Watch will sponsor Saturday’s Oscar De La Hoya-Ricardo Mayorga boxing match at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. Sponsorship terms for the fight, which marks delicious De La Hoya’s first ring appearance since ’04, include 750 hot, limited edition watches, which are available at the MGM Grand and select Las Vegas jewelry stores. Guess who wants to get her paws on one of these!

MARK PRIOR GETS FOULED OUTTA COURT

In Will County Illinois, Judge Herman Haase ruled that Cubs P Mark Prior “owes nearly $31,000 to a Naperville store that paid him to sign autographs for fans.” The judge however, didn’t believe that Prior “used profanity and acted rudely” toward fans who attended the ’04 autograph session.

BJORN BORG TO BE ASSIMILATED?

The Swedish tax office claims that tennis hottie of yore, Bjorn Borg, owes more than $1.9M in unpaid taxes after the Swedish newspaper Dagens Nyheter reported Borg put royalties from Borg-branded products in a bank account in the Dutch Antilles. Looks like we may be back to selling those Wimbledon trophies after all?

That’s it for today. As always, thanks for reading. Delinda