JASON TAYLOR GETS ATTACKED BY A FREAK

Super hot Miami Dolphin Jason Taylor and his wife, Katina, were driving home from church Sunday night when a red pickup truck backed up at an intersection and blocked the path of their car. As hottie attempted to pass, the driver of the pickup “intentionally swerved directly at Taylor” and caused him to run off the road. The passenger in the truck allegedly got out and started to bang on the hood of Taylor’s trunk. The 6-foot-6, 255-pound linebacker then got out of his car and was confronted by the scariest Mensa reject in recent history. After grabbing Taylor’s shirt, Redmond Charles Burns allegedly went back to his truck, got an “unknown metal object” and tried to stab Taylor with it. Taylor was spry enough to avoid major injuries and both retards jumped back in the truck and took off. JT followed and called 911. He lost the truck in, of course, a trailer park! (Taylor later ID’ed freak boy in a photo line-up). Taylor, who played in a charity golf tournament Monday in Tampa, said in a statement issued by the Dolphins that his injury was minor. “My wife and I were the victims in an unfortunate incident last night, but we are both fine,” Taylor said.

REDMOND CHARLES BURNS THE SCARIEST MAN ON EARTH?
In this photo provided by the Broward Sheriff’s Office, Redmond Charles Burns scares me. Burns faces hate crime charges stemming from an ‘alleged’ assault on hot linebacker Jason Taylor.

BOUNCING BABY GIRLS
How cute…Kobe and Shaquille both became fathers again Monday as their wives gave birth to girls six minutes apart. Gianna Maria-Onore Bryant was born at 2:03 a.m. in California and Mearah Sanaa O’Neal was born at 4:57 a.m. in a South Florida hospital.

CUTTINO MOBLEY TAKES A BATH

Cuttino Mobley of the Los Angeles Clippers chills out in a whirlpool bath before game five of the Western Conference Quarterfinals during the 2006 NBA Playoffs against the Denver Nuggets. After the game it was a different story. Elton Brand #42 of the Los Angeles Clippers high fives teammates Walter McCarty #0, Vladimir Radmanovic #7 and Vin Baker #34 on the way into the locker room after they spanked the Denver Nuggets out of the NBA Playoffs. Mad love for the Clippers, who hadn’t taken off thier shirts or won a playoff series since 1976.

DENZEL WASHINGTON JUNIOR
During the NFL draft, the St. Louis Rams snapped up John David Washington, son of sexy actor Denzel Washington. John David Washington, a 5-foot-10, 200-pound running back was among 10 undrafted players signed by the Rams. He played for Division II Morehouse College last year. “This is all a good story,” Rams coach Scott Linehan said. “I hope he’s a good running back.”

Interesting little tid-bit for all you six-degree-of-separation fans, Coach Linehan’s brother-in-law, is hot actor Jim Caviezel, best known for his portrayal of Jesus in The Passion of the Christ. Coincidentally, Caviezel just finished a movie with Denzel Washington that is set to come out next year. Linehan joked that Denzel Washington and Caviezel might make a nice little “sideshow” at training camp. Indeed they would.

THE NHL COULD USE A LITTLE CELEBRITY “SIDESHOW”
Desperate for courtside celebs to cheer on their teams, the NHL instigated a new program for the Stanley Cup Playoffs. The plan is to give about 50 celebrities, or what the league calls ‘key influencers,’ “VIP access to any playoff game they want to attend.” The league is scouring Hollywood for celebrities and has “urged teams to get involved, and to alert the NHL when stars would be passing through the gates.” So far, the NHL has only been able to drag Will Ferrell to a Canadiens game and “Survivor” host (who?) Jeff Probst to a pair of Kings games. But no one else is biting. The Office” star Steve Carell passed on the offer, as did eternally hot George Clooney, (he’s strictly a basketball, baseball and football guy), Justin Timberlake, Mark Wahlberg, Jamie Foxx and producer Jerry Bruckheimer.

JEROME BETTIS

Miller Brewing broke its new ad campaign for Miller Lite. The ads revolve around group discussions starring hot men, including Jerome Bettis. Yummy! In the spots, the men debate “‘Man Laws,’ the rules by which men should ideally govern themselves.” There is “no raucous behavior and no sexual innuendo, other than one veiled reference to ‘Brokeback Mountain.’” Miller Brewing VP/Marketing Erv Frederick: “We’re trying to position it as a smarter, more intelligent light beer.” Visit www.manlaws. com for more info.

ECKSTEIN CEREAL?

What a great way to start your day. You get the ice cold milk and your box of new EcksO’s, a honey-nut toasted oat cereal named for Cardinals SS David Eckstein, and settle down to eat breakfast. You decide to read the box of EcksO’s, and what do you find? Information designed to raise awareness of organ donation!!! The cereal is available for order on PLB Sports’ Web site. They also carry other hot athlete related edibles…including those yummy Carmelt-in-my-mouth-Anthony Mello candy bars, Flutie Flakes and Big Ben Beef Jerky.

GET A LIFE
Over 200 wives have joined the Professional Sports Wives Association to provide current and former wives of pro athletes, coaches and sports execs “a place to discuss their concerns.” The group provides marital guidance, financial planning, career goals, household and groupie management tips.

BEST-DRESSED NBA HOTTIES

Left to right, hot ballers Eddie Jones, Jerry Stackhouse and Chucky Atkins show us why this dress-code rule is a great thing.

JOHN TERRY GETS A BOO BOO

Chelsea defender and Athlebrity pin-up boy, John Terry will miss the rest of the Premier League season with a leg injury, but is expected to be fit to play for England at the World Cup. The Chelsea captain needed stitches to close a gash in his right shin, picked up in Saturday’s 3-0 win over Man-U. On Monday, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho said he would let Terry chill for the last two games this season. “He is improving every day and he will be ready physically to join the national team on the first day,” Mourinho said.

LANCE KEEPS DISCOVERING

Lance Armstrong and the Discovery Channel Team recently launched the “Race to Replace” campaign, which ends with a bicycle race August 12 at Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The lucky winner gets to ride as a Discovery team member at the U.S. professional championship in September. Proceeds will be donated to the Lance Armstrong Foundation. Discovery Networks personalities such as “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin and Dr. Drew Pinsky will appear in ads promoting the event. Webisodes start May 15 and will run on team.discovery.com and provide profiles of current Discovery riders.

JOHNNY COME LATELY

As expected, Red Sox fans displayed their unusually low I.Q.’s during Johnny Damon’s virgin Yankee appearance last night against his ex-team. Of course there was double the amount of security at last night’s Yankees-Red Sox game at Fenway Park, not just because of Johnny Damon, it was simply due to the Yankee’s being in town. Mensa reject Red Sox fans threw money at Damon on the field- didn’t anyone tell them it’s too little, too late?

ATHLEBRITY LOVE
People magazine’s “World’s Most Beautiful People” list includes, among others, Mets CF Carlos Beltran, NFL Cardinals super hottie Matt Leinart, NHL Rangers G Henrik Lundquist, and sexy Hornets G Chris Paul (below).

OK! Magazine names nine “Sexy Sluggers” which include Beltran, Alex Rodriguez, Johnny Damon, Barry Zito, Andy Pettitte and delicious Mark Mulder.

TIKI BARBER EATS WITH CONDI
U.S. Secretary of State and antichrist Condi Rice had lunch with Tiki Barber yesterday. Rice invited Barber to lunch “after she learned that he would attend” last Saturday’s White House Correspondents’ Association dinner. Oh Tiki, you have forced me to deduct Mensa points.

That’s it for today. As always, thanks for reading. Delinda